we believe the things we want to believe

Yesterday we went to the small Texas town where my husband's mother was raised.  3 of the 4 siblings still live there along with their spouses, children and grandchildren.  They are so committed to family that even the city slickers passing through merit a meet up.  They greeted us warmly and were so sweet and welcoming to us.  The kids played with their 2nd cousins and the adults visited.

It was a foreign cultural environment for me, this small town Texas scene: aesthetically, culinarily, politically,  socially.  But we are family and they were so loving to us.

The conversation was difficult to navigate.  There were offensive racial slurs, a mention that everyone should carry side arms, an insistence that there is a reliable list of 35 people who Bill and Hilary Clinton have had murdered, and a moment where someone said that "those people" crossing the border should learn English like our ancestors did.

So what am I to do?  Do I remain silent and unspeakably uncomfortable?  Do I go blow for blow with counter arguments?  Do I alienate my children's relatives and insist we leave?  In the end I did mention that Lutheran church services in Texas were still held in German long, long after the first Germans came over.  And to the Clinton death list I said "Well, the internet is dangerous".  Matthew said "hey, come on now" to the not-printable racial slurs, but mostly we just tried to change the subject to the kids or the weather.  On the ride back to Austin Matthew and I had an interesting conversation.

Here's the deal: I was having a hard time feeling gracious about his relatives, but felt conflicted too because they obviously are nice, loving folks.  I wanted to extend some grace, but instead kept thinking they were just idiots to believe such nonsense.  But that's ultimately a dissatisfying  explanation. I kept coming back to why do they believe what they believe and why do I believe what I beleive? 

We believe who we want to believe.

I want to believe that the super-duper smart people with graduate degrees who travel the world and work for NPR (National Public Radio) for the most part are a reliable source for information.  Why do I believe this?  Because they reflect who I am,  just more so.  Matthew's relatives want to believe that local conservative talk radio personalities who are rural and not some fancy intellectuals are reliable sources for information.  Why?  Because they reflect who they are, only more so.

That's possibly one part of it, the other part of it is that we believe what we want to believe.

The want to believe that a black man with a name like Osama is a Muslim who wants to infiltrate the US government and bring us all down.  They want to believe that guns make people safer.  They want to believe that everyone gets a fair shake and that if you are in a bad situation then it's your own fault.  They want to believe that Whites are supperior to Blacks.  They want to believe that Jesus would agree with
 them.

I want to believe that a black man can be president and bring hope and renewal into the corrupt power structure of the US government.  I want to believe that political conservatives are just basically selfish and more than anything want to horde wealth and power for themselves.  I want to believe that liberals want justice for the earth and other people.  I want to believe that Jesus would agree with me.

We all just believe who and what we want to belive and then we tell ourselves it's The Truth.

Dear God,
Thanks for being more gracious than any of the rest of us.  We're a mess.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

Comments

[BentonQuest]

Great post! We all need to remember this.

[steve]

We've been struggling with this since moving to LA (lower alabama) a year ago. Thanks for this post; it gives me a lot to ponder on.

[Choralgirl]

Amen, sister! Well said. :-)

[becky]

Where I've screwed up is when I've forgotten that they are my brothers and sisters in Christ and that should matter more than whatever thoughts we have floating around in our heads.

Spot on assessment - if my uber liberal hippies hadn't died from alcohol induced idealism, I'd be a lot kinder to seeing 21st century hippies being equally as dippy. My past definitely impacts on my present. Thank God her grace breaks through all my personal crapola.

[Muthah+]

Trying to keep your faith while visiting relatives in TX is a major test of God's resiliance and faith in us.

I am from TX and my family still resides there. It takes biting the inside of my mouth to keep from declaring WWIII each time I go back to visit my mother.

Not all Texans are like this but a great percentage are and we wonder why the current resident of the White House is the way he is? The shame of it all is that he had to be paraded before the whole world as a spokesman for our nation.

[LutheranChik]

Sounds like the conversation in my extended family-by-blood gatherings! Oy veh. Yes, indeed: "Dear God, please be more gracious than what I'm feeling right now."

[Michelle]

I can relate to your discomfort visiting w/ your relatives in Texas...only I find myself in such conversations down the block, in good 'ol urban/suburban Denver. Seems minds can close in any geographical location. May my urban/progressive hearts not close in judgement for those I tend to dispise as close-minded....but I also pray for courage to speak a word in due season, full of grace and truth. (e.g. Obama is NOT a muslim, read his book man!...Your racial slur IS offensive, please don't...and would that we could trust the power of LOVE and diplomacy over GUNS!) Now if I could only say that in the middle of the conversations I often find myself in right here is sweet urban Denver!!! Thanks for sharing! Luv ya, Michelle

[Dave]

Just want to comment and let you know how much I appreciated this post. This issue is a huge struggle for me and I find the compassion in your assessment helpful. Thank you for that.

[Ellen Haroutunian]

Beautiful, Nadia. Thanks for your compassion on us all. Lord, save us from ourselves!