2 am

It can be great being a gal who can get shit done.  Seriously, I can be a force.  It also sucks to be a gal who can get stuff done because then I start to believe my own press so to speak and  forget that whatever I get done is  through the grace of God and that any gifts I may have are given me to glorify God and not myself.  So I'm, "starting an emerging church" this coming January in Denver, which is thrilling and terrifying simultaneously.  Here's the idea for the community:

Basically I envision a community of exiles, agnostics and new-monastics: those who have been burned but are willing to dip their toes back in, those who struggle with belief, and those who are drawn to a whole-life faith.  These are folks who simply are not going to make the cultural commute to the traditional church.  This is a place where the experience of the Holy  takes precedence over intellectual assent to a set of unbelievable propositions - where there is a spiritual reconnoitering of the tradition, mining it for gold (liturgy, the Hours, the mystics, contemplative prayer, Thomas Merton, Bach, Dorothy Day) while being willing to consider that there is much that is tailings (I'll be generous here and refrain from listing these).  This community is deeply rooted in tradition so that it can innovate with integrity.  Radical and loving hospitality is practiced even amidst the damaged, the needy and the thoroughly annoying.  Failure, or more accurately, the inability to do these things perfectly is expected and not hidden.  Scripture is respected so deeply that it is questioned and struggled with, perhaps leaving us limping from the process, but not without us first having demanded a blessing from it. While admitting our complicity in social and environmental injustices, we strive to actively proclaim the Gospel of release to the captives and freedom to the oppressed.  We seek to be followers of the man God Jesus - where we are and as who we are...fully expecting that by dong so the who,the here and now will be transformed.  Despite the death-dealing forces of our time and in our culture, we believe that a light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not, shall not, will not, can not overcome it.

So here's the question, is this something I can do?  Like from sheer force of will? Of course not.  Is this something God can do? yes and I hope like hell that s/he shows up.  So I need to constantly remind myself of this especially on nights like this when I wake up and think "what  if I throw a church and no one shows up?".  It's not about me, I've just been given some of the gifts for being a part of the creation of a new community.  Still, I hope that folks show up.  I'll just feel like a bit of an ass if they don't, but who knows maybe that's "part of God's plan" (I hate that expression, it's as though God has everything mapquested out on some cosmic level or something, and that just seems silly to me not to mention ethically dubious on the part of God), yeah, yeah I know...God's ways are not our ways and all that...let go and let God...yada yada yada.

Comments

[Makeesha]

oh man, you and I would get on great and talk well into the night I think. I LIVE that feeling. David and I feel that way about Revolution (thenakedchurch.net) all the time.

[becky garrison]

Welcome to how I live every day - EVERY time I try and do something major, life comes crashing down on me. But somehow God picks up the pieces and puts them to good use.

[kathy]

yes this too is the tension i always live with. i think it's especially tricky when we are strong people with loud voices and the ability to pull a lot of things off. i am wrestling with this idea that it's not all God and no me (i came from the thought that any me was a bad thing) it's maybe both of us together a little more. i cannot do it without God, he of course can do it without me but somehow he chooses me to be part of the fun (aka the "oh shit, here we go!") i was reading the story of gideon again for last sunday eve at the refuge and my favorite two things God said to gideon were "go in the strength you have..." and "i will be with you." i was extra moved by the go in the strength you have thought. sometimes i have a lot of strength, sometimes i have little. sometimes i have none. God will always fill in the gap in some crazy way that is unexpected (and is probably not directly connected to my insane views of success or failure). know we will be cheering you on and see you in a few weeks at the theology pub.

[Swandive]

my prayer for you, totally ripped from the BCP:
Accept, O Lord, our thanks and praise for all that you have
done for us. We thank you for the splendor of the whole
creation, for the beauty of this world, for the wonder of life,
and for the mystery of love.

We thank you for the blessing of family and friends, and for
the loving care which surrounds us on every side.

We thank you for setting us at tasks which demand our best
efforts, and for leading us to accomplishments which satisfy
and delight us.

We thank you also for those disappointments and failures
that lead us to acknowledge our dependence on you alone.

Above all, we thank you for your Son Jesus Christ; for the
truth of his Word and the example of his life; for his steadfast
obedience, by which he overcame temptation; for his dying,
through which he overcame death; and for his rising to life
again, in which we are raised to the life of your kingdom.

Grant us the gift of your Spirit, that we may know him and
make him known; and through him, at all times and in all
places, may give thanks to you in all things. Amen.

You and God are working on an amazing thing. May S/He be in your every heartbeat, terror, smile, laugh, and tear. Bless you dear one.

p.s. where two or three are gathered... sounds like you have at least that. and really what do numbers mean anyway but to the bean counters? Ugh. Shutting up now. You are amazing.

[dave]

it may come as better support from those you know, but from one who is living a parallel unfolding and 'emerging' ministry story it is nice to know that my own feelings are shared with another. thank you for your vulnerability. i will be starting a new emerging ministry in flagstaff here in aug/sept. you'll be in my thoughts and prayers.

dave

ps - holden has always been a special place for me too, my wife and i were engaged there.

[Brian]

Come on. God uses Google Maps not Mapquest :)

Your description sounds great. This Presbyterian would show up.