Sarcastic Lutheran

Outlaw Preacher podcast - Law and Gospel

 
photo by Agnes Gossler (outside a Baptist church in Berlin, Germany)

Khad Young has posted his conversation with me here. We talk about Law and Gospel, and Anne Coulter at the Well.

More about being an "Outlaw Preacher" later...

Announcing Christianity 21

 

Christianity 21: Faith in the 21st Century
21 Voices
21 Ideas
21 Minutes Each

We live in a time of epochal change.

Many find this change exciting; for others, it’s a challenge. Call it globalization, pluralization, or postmodernism, this change affects our economy, politics, government, and education—all of society. And, of course, our faith and our churches are not immune to change.

So we have gathered 21 of the most important voices for the future of Christianity—21 voices for the 21st century—to speak into our future as people of faith in this age. They represent a diverse array of backgrounds, interests, and passions, and they will provide a wide range of innovative and challenging presentations.

Christianity21 is less a conference and more a happening, an event—a gathering of voices and ideas that will shape the future of our faith. And to the 21 voices, we want you to add your voice, whether you’re a seeker or skeptic, leader or layperson, disciple or doubter.

We hope you consider joining your voice to ours at Christianity21.

Friday, October 9 – Sunday, October 11
Colonial Church of Edina
6200 Colonial Way
Minneapolis, MN 55436
$195

___________________________________________________________

I'm really excited about this event.  I'll be one of the 21 speakers but don't let that dissuade you from attending - the other presenters are legit.  It's an amazing collection of voices.

My topic: Authority; Authenticity and Assholes

Hope to see you there.

Listen to audio of me reading stuff I wrote

If you are interested in hearing me read from an essay and then from my book you can do so here

Mini book tour in Seattle area next week

If you are in the Seattle area next week you can find me at the following places:
Nadia's itinerary for Northwest Book Tour

JAN 15 Thur
        7pm - 10p
Event: 

The Red House
	410 Burnett Ave S
	Renton, WA

JAN 16 Fri      1pm - Class Discussion Mars Hill Grad School

        3pm - Event: Mars Hill Grad School  (Music by Naomi)
            http://www.mhgs.edu/
            2501 Elliott Ave Seattle, WA 98121

        5pm - Dinner with MSA House

        7pm - Mustard Seed Associates  (Music by Jeff Greer)
            http://www.msainfo.org
            510 N.E. 81st St. Seattle, WA

JAN 17 Sat    12pm - TBD (possibly Off the Map)

        5pm - Church of the Apostles - Preach at liturgy
            http://www.apostleschurch.org
            4301 Fremont Ave N. Seattle, WA 98103

        7pm - Event: The Fremont Abbey (Music by Lacey Brown)
            http://www.fremontabbey.org/main.html
            4301 Fremont Ave N. Seattle, WA 98103

JAN 18 Sun     9am - Trinity Lutheran: adult ed promo

        9:30 - Gloria Dei: temple talk promo

        10:45 - Edmonds Lutheran: temple talk promo

        5pm - Church of the Beloved -  Preside
            http://www.belovedschurch.org
            1212 9th Ave Edmonds, WA 98020

        7pm - Event: Rosewood Manor  (Music by Tara Ward)

            8104 220th St. SW Edmonds, WA 98026

My ordination

There are some things in life that are so built up, worked toward, and anticipated that they then have nowhere to go but the Disappointment File when they actually happen.  This was not one of them.  My ordination last Sunday was amazing.  Here are some of the things that I loved about it:

• I loved that there were 37 clergy there to support and lay on hands.

 

• I love that among those clergy were Ecumenical Catholics, United Methodists, United Church of Christers, and Presbyterians.  Then a whole slew of Lutherans

• I love that there were about 10 people there who have known me in AA for almost 17 years.  At a meeting a few days ago one said "When Nadia came in these rooms she was as likely to crack a joke as pull a knife on you.  Now she's a pastor"

• I loved the hymns. "A Mighty Fortress" (I'm a company girl).  "Come Thous Fount of Every Blessing".  "Great is Thy Faithfulness". ("Our God is an Awesome God" pales next to these magnificent hymns of the church, no? Besides, perhaps we need an adjective for the Almighty that isn't more often used to describe one's pizza, but I digress.

• I loved that my parents read the lessons, and that my Dad choked up.

• I loved that all I did was kneel and say the same thing several times in response to the bishop questioning me: "I will, and I ask God to help me".

• I loved serving communion to the 10 Church of Christ folks who came with my parents.

• I loved how very anglo-catholic the service was (including a thurifer)

• I loved that my daughter was the Crucifer and my son the Gospel Bearer.

 

• I loved that my husband presented me and my family placed the stole on me.

•  

• I loved that the stole was from Sara Miles and Paul Fromberg
  
  
• I loved the sermon Kevin Maly gave.  It blew my mind.

• I loved that so many of Matthew's current and ex-parishioners were there.

• I loved that Fred Denny, my professor of Islam from CU Boulder was there as well as my friend Jeff.  Jeff was a screwed up kid with me.  We once lived in a 2 bedroom apt with 8 people,  We then moved into a house with 10 folks and 2 hydroponic grow rooms.  Dope, coke, political rantings and sexual misconduct were the daily fare.  Jeff and I have been clean for almost 17 years now but I think everyone else is dead or in jail or somehow still living the life.  Jeff started going to a nice UCC church a few years back.  Giving him communion knowing our story made me so deeply grateful and again baffled by God's grace.

• I loved that House for All Sinners and Saints then received me (officially) as their Pastor and that so many of us participated in the ordination.



• 
  
  
  
  
  
• I loved that Seth played her cello and Sara and Andie served as cantors.I loved how overwhelming it felt to have hands laid on me and to be included in the long line of clergy who have had this done in unending succession.

• I loved that all the sliced cheese that my parents had bought for the reception were stolen during the ordination (and 1 vegetable tray).  Damn poor.  When I told Sara she said "Damn.  That's the most Gospel-y parable I've ever heard.  You have to preach that" (I did, 2 days ago)

• I loved that 20 House for All folks came back to our place afterwords for beer and nachos.

Someone asked me at the after party "So, do you feel different?"  I answered "I do.  I don't know that you can be the object of that much prayer and blessing and not be changed by it."

Thank you to everyone in my life, near and far, whose prayers brought me here.  And I thank God for my vocation.  May God make me worthy of my calling.

Salvation on the Small Screen? 24 Hours of Christian Television out now!

My book is now available on Amazon Here

"Turn off your TV and read this book. It's enlightening and entertaining and
it doesn't emit any radiation whatsoever."
--AJ Jacobs, author of The Year of Living Biblically

From 5am November 2nd to 5 am November 3rd (2007) I watched 24 consecutive hours of cable televangelism/prosperity gospel fare on Trinity Broadcasting Network.  28 contributors, including Bible Scholars from Iliff School of Theology, a gay Unitarian, her non-religious ex-boyfriend, a couple Jews, her Evangelical parents, Lutheran pastors and her 9 year old daughter all joined Nadia for an hour each so that the book becomes a conversation between what’s happening on the TV, what’s happening on the sofa, and what’s happing in the writer’s head.  The result is a narrative which is frequently hysterical, often insightful and occasionally totally surprising.

Please consider joining the Salvation on the Small Screen's Facebook group!

church planting is ideal for the manic depressive

I've not been bloggin much about the community mainly because I'm so damn busy working as a mission developer. But one thing has really been weighing on me: the emotional weirdness and vulnerability of being a "church planter" (I hate that term).  On the one hand, there are certain personality traits that help in this work: drive, charisma, commitment, passion, humor...these thing really help out if you happen to be someone irrational enough to think they might be able to pull a church out of their...pocket (by the power of the Holy Spirit of course). However, this particular constellation of characteristics comes with a down side: ego, tunnel vision, working one's self to exhaustion and , oh yeah...ego.  It's a particular form of simul iustus et peccator (simultaneously saint and sinner) often found in this line of work (and now that I think about it perhaps serial killing and venture capitalism as well).  One of the most exhausting dynamics for me in what I do is that I internalize WAY too much both good and bad.  Every new person who shows up, every unanswered email, every "no" RSVP, every "yes" RSVP.  It's not sustainable.  But the establishment of this community is so deeply important to me, so how does one live out this type of vocation with a healthy dose of detachment?  How do I do the work and (hold on to your stomachs) "release the results".  If I were a business entrepreneur then  it could "be all about me" and no one would blink an eye.  But this is a church.  I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be about the Triune God and not about Nadia.  Letting go is about more than releasing control.  It's also about not internalizing everything.
I love you dear SL readers but I swear to God if someone says "have you prayed about it" I'll ban your comments until Jesus comes back.  Yes, I pray about it.  I'm just that desperate.

Dear God,
    I confess that I am in bondage to self.  I thought that maybe after 16 years in AA that would change but apparently not. If you could help me see that this whole church thing is about you and not about me then that would be really helpful. 
    Watch out for the House for All folks since I am their pastor and that's just kind of weird.  I'm going to try and trust your judgement on that one even though it seems questionable.
In Jesus' name,
Amen

Back Cover

My friend Janet shot this as a possible back cover for the Salvation on the Small Screen book
She's brilliant.

My day in Texas

The Bolz-Weber family is in Austin Texas for the week.  It's Matthew's 20th high school reunion (Elgin, Tx).  He asks very little of me when it comes down to it; coming here this Summer was a rare request and one that I would honor only for him. 

We started the morning at a wonderful science and nature center at Zilker park where we found a letterbox.  (Letterboxing is our family hobby)  We found ourselves at the top of a hill amongst the ruins of an old overlook.  On several trees were signs someone has posted that said: Thor (Steve Ray ..[I can;t remember the name]) Your mother is very ill.  Call home (collect) -Dad.  I can't stop thinking about this family and the fractured relationships that would lead to such a thing.  Is the son homeless?  Mentally ill? Addicted? Did the parents kick him out or did they try and keep him close and he pushed himself away?  I prayed for them this morning, that they find reconciliation and peace.

Later that afternoon I dropped the family at a water park and I went to visit my friend and general force of nature, Tim Snyder.  Tim is part of the Netzer Co-op, an intentional community of Lutheran young adults in Seguine, Tx.  We were set to meet at a coffee shop where the community holds some of their events and when Tim wasn't there when I arrived I started to feel a bit uncomfortable.  Heavily tattooed urban gals don't always feel terribly comfortable in small town Texas, but following me into the coffee shop were 2 old school bikers who came right up to me and asked if they could "see your art", meaning check out my tattooes.  "We need more beautiful tattooed ladies here in Seguin".  So I chatted with the bikers until one of them indicated that the next tattoo they wanted to get would be a big Knights Templar cross with the word "infidel" so that "those moos-lems would know what I think of them, and that includes Barak Obama.  He's a moos-lem - I read it on the internet".  And that's the moment Tim walked in and saved me.

A highlight of my afternoon in Seguin was the statue of Martin Luther on the Texas Lutheran University campus.

Darth Luther

  

God's Politics Blog Posting

I seem to be spending so much of my time writing: sermons, the TBN book, articles, stuff for hire, and the God's Politics Blog.  I'm sorry to my half a dozen faithful readers....no time to blog.  I will soon.

For now check out my God's Politics posting

Pax,
Nadia

God's Politics Blog

I am now a contributing writer for Jim Wallis' God's Politics Blog

Christians

Today while shoe shopping, a young clerk commented on my Last Supper belt buckle and Mary Magdalene tattoo.  Intrigued, he asked "why do you have that stuff, are you just really interested in Catholicism?"  I explained that no, I am a Lutheran vicar.  He said "I'm studying for the ministry too" "Oh really" I said "Where?" (There are 2 seminaries in town) To which he replied "Victory Outreach Center, they have college accredited classes and I go every week."

My standard reaction set in, which I am in no position to defend, namely that I immediately thought, OK, not really the same thing buddy.  I have an BA in Religion and have finished 3 years of post-graduate work in Theology....and GREEK, did I mention GREEK???

That is part "a" of my standard reaction.

Part "b" is that when I meet Christians from places like "Victory Outreach", or any other church that places itself outside of the church catholic (small c), what I hear them saying is that "The Gospel is:  there is an in-group (the saved....meaning us) and there is an out-group (the lost)" 
The problem is that what I believe is that "The Gospel is: because of Christ there no longer is an out-group", so this makes it super hard to do the Christian *wink*wink*,  which is why I always threaten to start wearing a shirt that says "I'm not that kind of Christian"

I don't really want to be this way, because it basically just lacks generosity. 

My new tattoo

Simul iustus et peccator

it means : at the same time saint and sinner

which is a big deal in Lutheran theology.

these are photos from a  crappy camera...the tattoo is crystal clear.

Wanna be in my new book?

Ok, so the life of The Sarcastic Lutheran is a bit insane right now.  Mr. SL got a new call to a church in a Denver suburb and we bought a house in the Park Hill neighborhood in Denver, which is an old multi-cultural-right-next-to-City-Park  urban area.  The house is a bit of a fixer-upper, so we've been insanely busy trying to do improvements while moving in.  The kids start their new school tomorrow and I've just come back 2 days ago from Luther Seminary.  Add to that my new book deal and what do you get?   A very happy , very  busy gal who is attempting to  manage the embarrassment of blessings in her life while trying to remember not to speak of herself in the third person.

The book:
I was approached by Church Publishing/Seabury Books to write a book, kind of a social and religious commentary about the Christian Industrial Complex based on me watching 24 straight hours of Trinity Broadcast Network which is a televangelism cable channel.  I suggested that perhaps the Geneva Convention might address making a person do this sort of thing....right after the paragraph on waterboarding, but then I agreed to it because, well, it was about the weirdest thing someone had asked me to do in a while,so how could I say no?.  I am having a pleasingly bizzare assortment of folks come for an hour each and watch with me so that those chapters become a conversation between us about what we are seeing. Here's where you come in.  I'm inviting my readers to do the unthinkable.  Please watch TBN ... any amount you'd like, between 5:30am Friday August 24th and 5:30am Saturday August 25th (Mountain time) and e-mail me your comments to sarcasticlutheran@gmail.com.  I will have my computer on the whole time as I will be taking notes and may be able to have a little chat right there and then.    Then I may just these comments in the book.  I'm looking for any kind of ideas about what you see: what does it say theologically? about gender? about consumerism? about beauty?  were you surprised?  was the gospel preached despite the makeup and hairspray?   
The book will hopefully be out a year from now so that I can take it to Greenbelt.

Well, there's your mission if you choose to accept it, as fucking weird as it is.

Be well.

driving across country

My 11 hour drive today from Denver to Des Moines:

good: The Holy Family Shrine A glorious shrine a top the Platte Valley...seriously if you're driving on I-80 in Nebraska, it's well worth the time to visit.  A visit to the shrine is called "a pilgrimage to celebrate your faith"....the chapel is breathtaking and serene and there is a labyrinth in the meadow outside.

bad: a bumper sticker on a semi-truck that said: "U.S.A. : built with gutts, guns and God"   a**hole.

Why I have a "low anthropology" and a progessive theology

Why?
It's a rare, but in my mind a kick a** position.
You see most Christian progressives (or liberals if you will) have what is called a "high anthropology" meaning that they think quite highly of human beings and what we are capable of all on our own.  In other words, those with a high anthropology will perhaps say things like "all the truth you need to know is inside of yourself" or "we aren't bad sinful creatures, but are co-creators with God" to which I find myself thinking "what the hell planet are you from?, because here on Earth people just aren't that frickin' good...just read the paper or watch pretty much anything on the WB....we're NOT GOD...clearly.

As a good Lutheran I have what is called a "low anthropology".  In other words I think that we are sinful depraved people in need of God's grace.  Why do I believe this?  Several reasons.
1) I know myself...pretty well
2) I take in the news
3) I have children.  I didn't actually believe in original sin until I had kids, and I'm still not convinced, but now am sure that if humans are left unguided and undisciplined let me tell you...it ain't pretty.
4) I know other people
5) Did I mention that I know myself?...thoughts, words and deeds, what I have done and what I have left undone?  Yeah, that's the best evidence. Slam dunk really.

Ok, so does that mean that I do evil shit all the time?  No.  Does it mean that I am some sort of demon child?  Not most days.  What it does mean is that the good in me and the good that I am able to do is as a result of God's always radical choice to use the broken and unlikely to do God's work in the world and not as a result of my own shiny soul.  There is no true altruism, at least for me.  I can't do a pure fucking thing to save my life.  This is actually very hopeful.  It means that there is a source from which I came and from which I draw and that source, unlike me, is endless.  If my ability to "be good" is reliant only on my own goodness then I'm screwed.  There is so much freedom in the fact that God and not myself is my source.  However, to be a bit circular in my logic, I am still a broken person who inevitably will try and rely on self and not on God and will once again screw things up and be in need of God's grace which in always and already, just sittin' there waiting for me to realize it.
Still, I believe that we are made in the image of God and are Children of the Most High, but like all children we seldom know what's best for us and we need discipline.
As Luther said- we're a bit like snow covered dung - we look good but still smell like sh*t.

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2 am

It can be great being a gal who can get shit done.  Seriously, I can be a force.  It also sucks to be a gal who can get stuff done because then I start to believe my own press so to speak and  forget that whatever I get done is  through the grace of God and that any gifts I may have are given me to glorify God and not myself.  So I'm, "starting an emerging church" this coming January in Denver, which is thrilling and terrifying simultaneously.  Here's the idea for the community:

Basically I envision a community of exiles, agnostics and new-monastics: those who have been burned but are willing to dip their toes back in, those who struggle with belief, and those who are drawn to a whole-life faith.  These are folks who simply are not going to make the cultural commute to the traditional church.  This is a place where the experience of the Holy  takes precedence over intellectual assent to a set of unbelievable propositions - where there is a spiritual reconnoitering of the tradition, mining it for gold (liturgy, the Hours, the mystics, contemplative prayer, Thomas Merton, Bach, Dorothy Day) while being willing to consider that there is much that is tailings (I'll be generous here and refrain from listing these).  This community is deeply rooted in tradition so that it can innovate with integrity.  Radical and loving hospitality is practiced even amidst the damaged, the needy and the thoroughly annoying.  Failure, or more accurately, the inability to do these things perfectly is expected and not hidden.  Scripture is respected so deeply that it is questioned and struggled with, perhaps leaving us limping from the process, but not without us first having demanded a blessing from it. While admitting our complicity in social and environmental injustices, we strive to actively proclaim the Gospel of release to the captives and freedom to the oppressed.  We seek to be followers of the man God Jesus - where we are and as who we are...fully expecting that by dong so the who,the here and now will be transformed.  Despite the death-dealing forces of our time and in our culture, we believe that a light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not, shall not, will not, can not overcome it.

So here's the question, is this something I can do?  Like from sheer force of will? Of course not.  Is this something God can do? yes and I hope like hell that s/he shows up.  So I need to constantly remind myself of this especially on nights like this when I wake up and think "what  if I throw a church and no one shows up?".  It's not about me, I've just been given some of the gifts for being a part of the creation of a new community.  Still, I hope that folks show up.  I'll just feel like a bit of an ass if they don't, but who knows maybe that's "part of God's plan" (I hate that expression, it's as though God has everything mapquested out on some cosmic level or something, and that just seems silly to me not to mention ethically dubious on the part of God), yeah, yeah I know...God's ways are not our ways and all that...let go and let God...yada yada yada.

Face Book

So, my sister talked me into joining face book and hey...it's a fun thing.
Here's my page .
Join in.

Sermon I preached at Holden Village

I was shocked, thrilled and horrified to be asked to preach at Holden Village.  I had just a day and a half to write a sermon, which I balked at, but that Holy Spirit showed up and she kind of rocked my world.
The lectionary texts were Galations 5: 1-25 and Luke 9:51-62, The Galations reading deals with Christian freedom and the workd of the flesh and the fruits of the spirit.  When folks entered the worship space they were met with a table with two bowls filled with bits of paper folded in half.  The bowl on the right  was filled with the fruits of the spirit "Take one"  the bowl on the left, the works of the flesh "take one"  above the bowls was written: Simul iustus et peccator (Simultaniously sinner and saint) "reflect."  So every one got a random paper from each bowl.  My favorite was Pastor Eric who got "fornication" and "faithfulness". hmmmm. 

Here's the manuscript:

Grace peace and mercy to you from the Triune God. Amen.
So Jesus is kinda harsh in this gospel reading, but
Honestly, I love these Gospel texts like this one which are called “problematic texts”, which is greek for “ones we’d never voluntarily preach on but which come up in the lectionary so we’re stuck with them.  But the Hebrew translation of  “Problematic text in the lectionary” is just “guest preacher”, so I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Pastor Eric for the invitation to preach today....i think.

It’s kind of a weird little story in Luke...
At the beginning of this chapter Jesus has just given the 12 power and authority to cast out demons and to cure diseases and has sent them out to proclaim the kingdom and to heal. This is kind of an important point.  Jesus gave them power and authority, power and authority did not come from them- they weren’t born with it, they did not stumble upon it and the certainly didn’t earn it.  It was given to them from Jesus. 
               So, what do they do with this freedom and this gift they did not earn? If we put this text in conversation with the Galatians reading, we could say that the disciples used their freedom as an opportunity for self-indulgence an certainly did not become slaves to one another.  Instead, It totally goes to their heads, they forget that all their mojo comes from God and not themselves and so they start arguing about which one of them was the greatest. ok so that’s strike one.  Strike 2 is that soon after this they come to Jesus and say "so we were out using our power to cast out demons when we came across some guy who was also casting out demons in your name....and we don't know who this guy thinks he is, but we tried to put a stop to that real quick."  to which he answered “give me a break! whoever is not against you is for you.” The very next verse is where we enter in today’s text. 
           So he’s stuck with this ridiculous band of followers who are totally full of themselves and acting like jerks while he has set his face to Jerusalem and what awaits him there, namely the cross.  The passages about the would-be followers we just read are a bit harsh because come on, let’s not forget that Jesus was fully divine AND fully human...the guy has to be already a little irritated: he gives the 12 power to heal and proclaim the kingdom which immediately goes to their heads and they end up arguing, of all things,  about who is the greatest when in fact the only greatness they might have comes not from themselves but from Jesus who granted them power in the first place, so it’s kind of no surprise when in our gospel reading for today strike 3 happens: James and John come back rejected by the Samaritan village and ask “ so, should we rain fire down from heaven to consume them?” Jesus just had to of rolled his eyes.  These guys were a real piece of work.  I read this and thought “so exactly when did raining fire down to consume the villages of folks they don’t like become an option for them"? I even went back to the first verses of the chapter to check...power and authority to cast out demons is there, healing and proclaiming the kingdom is there, but strangely enough, incinerating an entire village because they made you look bad...hmmm...strangely absent. 
         So maybe in these harsh proclamations about what it takes to be a disciple: - that you won't have a place to sleep and can't bury your poor old dad,  or even take a minute to say farewell to your family... maybe what we see here is Jesus indulging in a bit of hyperbole in order to knock some sense into his disciples about what it means to be a follower of Christ.  So he responds to these three would-be followers we meet in today’s text by raising the bar for what it means to live a radical discipleship and I kinda like to imagine that he did this with his voice raised just enough so that he was sure James and John were in earshot.

     Barbara Rossing talked this week in Bible study about  our society’s escaltology...the ideas of the fullness of life, what is the culmination of human potential, which for us might be that that I should buy Loreal shampoo because I’m worth it, that the right car can bring me to the height of what it means to be human, that the fulfillment of all my wants will bring me all I need, that immortality can be obtained through consumption.  She then showed us images from the Roman Empire which portrayed their escatology: a belief that they would always have dominion over other nations as a imperial force, that they had the Gods on their side and they were living into the eschatological fulness of life where they had forever been destined to be the victors and other nations had forever been destined to be the conquered on whose backs and labor the empire rightly stood ...  victoriously in the fullness of time - world without end.
     Standing as we are in the 21st century knowing the rest of the story, namely the deterioration of the Roman Empire ... we snicker at them, knowing it is a farce and that they are just the dead burying the dead... that they are simply whistling in the graveyard.  From there it's almost effortless for us to turn to the empires of our day, the multinational corporations, the military industrial complex, Halibuton, Pepsico etc..Do you, like I, recognize Rome in their flawed and deceitful message of victory, entitlement and dominion?  We see environmental devastation and know that the planet cannot possibly sustain this empire for much longer.  We know that these empires are not the life giving gospel but are the death dealing forces.  They, like the village in Samaria are rejecting Christ and the Kingdom of God. They are the works of the flesh on a global scale.   And with fingers pointing to these death dealers we too say “Absolutely, let the dead bury the dead".  We see Rome burning and we want to hurry the process asking   “do you want us to command fire down from Heaven and consume them? “  And I wonder if we listen for the answer... if we might also hear Jesus rebuking us.    Because to turn from  empire we turn not to a victory party of righteousness where we, like the disciples,, can become drunk on self-congratulations, but we are called with Christ to turn our faces to Jerusalem and what waits there.... namely the cross. Yes we are called to let the dead bury the dead and to turn from Rome and our yoke of slavery to the lies of our culture's escatology - but I guess I wonder if, like in our Galatians text,  we simply are trading one yoke for another, if maybe we become slaves to self righteousness because by having our fingers pointed to the obvious evils we are drawing a line between them - the works of the flesh and us, the fruits of the spirit.  When in reality, we are all simultaneously sinner and saint. 
    Jesus is calling us, like the would-be followers in this text away from comfort and security perhaps even the comfort and security of our own confidence in our righteousness.  But that calling is not just from something but is also to something.  To a life of radical discipleship where we are free from the bondage of self and this freedom allows us to be slaves of one another  This Christian freedom is in self-giving in which we receive much.  This freedom allows us to love one another as we love ourselves.

             This all sounds kind of nice and fluffy, doesn’t it?  A Christian community of folks who are all self-giving slaves of one another?  How exactly does the math work on that?  If we are all set to serve one another, then who is getting served?  How exactly do we, as Paul suggests, “through love be slaves of one another”?  what does that look like? “you go first, oh no you go first, oh no really you go on” 
    In my blog I recently wrote about Christian love and how we are called to this radical loving of one another which is transformative and how this is so beautiful  and I'm totally onboard with the whole Christian love thing except for one little problem: and that is the annoying people.  Seriously, being slave to the annoying or the mean or the manipulative....this is a problem.  But Paul is pretty clear on this one: “Through love become slaves to one another”  So when it comes down to it, I just don’t think I can muster up that much love.  Seriously.  When it comes to Love and for that matter we might as well include joy, peace, patience, kindness,  generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and  (for sure) self-control, I and perhaps you can come up pretty short.  But here’s the good news - these are not the fruits of Nadia.  These are the fruits of the Spirit.
        Maybe that love is not from us but from Christ through us.  If our faces are set towards Jerusalem, then they are set towards the cross and God’s reconciling and redeeming work in the world, not our work in the world...so maybe the love by which we are to be slaves of one another is already accomplished and thankfully does not rely on our own efforts.
Perhaps is this new economy of sinner saint servanthood we all fall short to be fit for the kingdom.  I mean seriously.   Look at the poor would-be disciples in our text who wanted to follow Jesus - the bar gets set pretty high:  it's a bit of a set up really, there's no way to pull it off through our their own efforts, and maybe that's the point, because the good news is that we don't have to.  God's redeeming work through the cross provides for us a source which is an endless source.  Truly world without end.  If Luther is right about Christian freedom and that we are lord of all subject to none and at the same time dutiful servant of all, subject to everyone, then - this source, this power we have is a spiritual source....and it comes from ascribing glory and honor not to ourselves, but to God which then reckons us honorable and glorified through the beautiful paradox of II Corinthians that  “Power is made perfect in weakness”
         So while we should by all means turn from the bondage of empire and the death dealing powers of society with the false eschatology, the false messages of what it means to be fully human, we should  have faith that we are also free from the bondage of self - from idolatry, strife, jealousy, anger, quarrels, envy and the like.  So here’s the other word of good news:  I not only cannot overcome these death dealing forces within myself, but I am not expected to because it was Christ who set his face to Jerusalem and the suffering of the cross.  He says Follow me...he says to us, come and see.  He does not along this road ask us for directions or ask us to lead the way and thanks be to God for that,   But he set his face to Jerusalem and the inbreaking of God’s reign on earth through the suffering on the cross - where the false eschatology of earthly empire was inverted by the perfecting of true power in weakness.  So if we are called to "Through love be slaves to oneanother", then the good news is that this redeeming work of God and not ourselves is the source of love that makes it possible that we might be free from self and slaves to one another.   This source from which we drink is an endless source, truly world without end.  And this table to which we are about to come is simple bread and wine, but is the most abundant feast.  A feast in which we are called to freely partake.  And the good news is that we don’t all have to show up with our own bread.  And we don’t receive amounts in accordance with our goodness...we are all fed this broken and poured out Christ which gives us freedom and nourishes us to be as Luther says the most free lords of all and subjects to none; and the most dutiful servant of all and subject to everyone.   Christian freedom brothers and sisters- come and taste, come and drink, come and see.

AMEN

Holden Village

We're going on vacation for a couple weeks at Holden Village, one of my favorite places on earth.  Sometimes I like to call it the Leftest Outpost of the Lutheran Church.  It's a retreat center and intentional Christian community in the Cascade mountains in Washington state.  It's an old copper mining town and there are no roads that go there, you have to take a 3 hour boat ride up Lake Chelan, which in and of itself is a religious experience.  In the village there is an arts building complete with floor looms and a pottery studio, an ice cream shop, a book store, a pool hall (with a three lane set-your-own-pins bowling alley), and a hike haus stocked with back country gear.  The food (including all the bread) is made from scratch daily and is comprised of as much local, organic produce as possible.  Worship every night is creative and inspiring...always something different.  To top it off, the kids go to "Narnia" every morning where the staff has lots of kid stuff for them to do. 
No phones.
No internet.
I believe I might just get to know my husband again...we barely see each other at home and he's about the hottest nice-guy you've ever seen.  Seriously.

See you in a few weeks.
Nadia

38 and letterboxing

I was born 38 years ago today.
Happy Birthday to me.

Earth Day was born 37 years ago today.
Happy Earth Day.

Today my family and I are going letterboxing.  This is a very subversive hobby as it involves almost no commerce whatsoever.  Here's what is needed to letterbox: rubber stamp (usually these are handcarved which is actually really easy), ink pad, a pen, and a little book.

Basically you go to the website above and look to see where letterboxes are hidden (all over the world) - go check out where boxes are near where you live.  If you're in the states, just click on "search for boxes" and choose your state....if you're from abroad then search by region and scroll all the way down to countries.

Each hidden box has a set of clues.  Follow the clues and find the box which contains: rubber stamp, ink pad, pen and book.  Open the book.  stamp a page with your personal stamp and the date you found it.  Take the time to admire the other people's stamps who have also found the box.  Stamp your own book with the box's stamp and date it.  Re-hide the box in the same place.

Letter boxes are hidden in lovely parks, remote trails, city phone booths...everywhere.

It's like geo-cacheing, but cooler and kids love it.

Happy hunting.

[Grid::Blog::Via Crucis 2007] Mary Magdalene

John 20

Via Crucis GridBlog is now into the stations of the resurrection and I gleefully signed up for "Christ appears to Mary Magdalene"

This is my favorite passage in the entire Bible for the following reasons:

*Mary is despondent about the death of her teacher whom she loved so deeply.  She's so filled with grief that she doesn't even recognize him in her midst, instead confusing him for the gardener (how do you possibly ever live that down?  I imagine her and other Christians late at night drinking wine telling stories about Jesus and inevitably someone going "Yeah...and remember when Mary thought he was the gardener!! Hey Mary, how'd you know he was the gardener and not say, the plummer or maybe just a florist???!!!")

??? A Question: How often in our own lives do we fail to recognize Christ in our midst?

* She has no idea he is there or that the resurrection even took place until...."Mary".  He speaks her name.  This is beautiful to me.  I have heard my name and it made all the difference.

???  A Question: How is Christ calling our name?

* Christ appoints her to be the Apostle to the Apostles.  She is chosen to let the boys in on the news.  Her.  A woman.  A former demonic.  Her.      Wow.   
(Mary M was not a prostitute nor was she the woman caught in adultery.)  Read Dr. Ann Brock's book Mary Magdalene, The First Apostle: The Struggle for Authority

??? A Question: How are we unlikely proclaimers of the the risen Christ?

p.s. yeah, that's my arm.

Dear God,
Thank you for the faithful witness of Mary Magdalene.  Help me to recognize Christ in my midst.  Help me to listen for my name.  Help me to stop questioning your judgment around my own call to announce the resurrection.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

*

my sermon

If you'd like to see me preach, you can check me out here.

The Problem WIth Christian Love

Here's the problem I have with Christian love: people who I don't like.

As those who follow Christ we are called to love others. This can be highly inconvenient. It's so easy to be loving toward people I like. It's even easy to be loving toward people who aren't in the category of "people I like", but just "people who don't bug the shit out of me". It's the people who fall into the latter that I struggle with. These people aren't even "my enemies", they're just irritating.

Here is one reason that I never thought of myself as pastor material: I avoid emotionally needy people. This isn't the most pastoral trait in the world. Now, we're not talking about someone in crisis because of a recent tragedy. We're talking about people who think they are in crisis, but aren't. These are people who are emotional vacuums who will suck all the focus and energy from a group given the chance.

In my morning prayer I can hold them in God's love. I can wish them to have health and healing. Just don't ask me to be in the same room with them. I love them in the sense that I want good things for them, only I don't want them to obtain these good things by emotionally sucking them out of me. The problem with this is that I suspect that love is as much a feeling as it is an action and I can have all the nice fuzzy thoughts and prayers about damaged, socially awkward people as I want, but if I "have not love" I am a "noisy gong, a clanging cymbal" as Paul says to the Corinthians.

It's not easy to have my values (love, inclusively, grace) with my personality (sarcastic, judgmental, acerbic)

Dear God,
Some of your children are extremely irritating and honestly, difficult to love. I don't really want to be around these people, but know that I am called to reflect your love to them. This is really gonna need to come from you. Pony up the extra measure if you don't mind, because I've got nothin'. Remind me that you, and not my personality, are my source, and that that is an endless source.
AMEN

13 hours and 20 minutes in my life

March 20-21 (Mr. SL is in Chicago this week)

7pm make up beds for the 3 Midland Lutheran College Band students who are staying with us after their concert at Mr. SL's church

7:30 Daughter tries to pick up cat...cat screams in pain

7:32 Realize cat has chest wound and needs emergency medical attention

7:33 Call inlaws to come stay with kids and let in college students after concert while I take cat to vet.

7:45- 9:45 sit with father-in-law (a saint) in emergency vet office

9:45 Pay the minimum $330 and leave cat to have hole in chest sewn up

10:00 chat in my kitchen with 20 year old trumpet player

10:45 go to bed (next to 6 year old son - as aforementioned trumpet player is staying in son's room)

11:00pm - 6:00am continually kicked by son and woken up by his sleep talk which usually sounded like "that's not fair" and "but it's MINE"

6:00 - 6:20 coffee, scripture, prayer...in that order

6:35 wake up kids, load them into car and go pick up cat from vet

6:50 pay an additional $500 to vet; grand total now $830 more than I've payed for medical care for myself in 2 years

6:55 vet tells me cat's injury is from a dog bite

6:56 think uncharitably about our friends across the street who have a new dog they can't controll (love the friends, hate the dog)

7:00 arrive back home, attempt to wake up college students

7:05 make apple pancakes and coffee for the sleepy trumpet players

7:15 make sure kids are dressed for school, fed and have lunch packed

7:20 drive kids to school (on the way home realize it's Brownies day and that I forgot to tell daughter to wear her vest)

7:30 chat with students in kitchen

8:00 say farewell to befuddled students

8:05 go over to neighbor to see if dog has cat scratches...there are none, but neighbor wife is really sympathetic

8:15 call sister to lament the $830 and end with the reaization that it's just money and it will work itself out as it always does in that unexplainable loaves-and-fishes economic reality that is our life

8:20 get call from neighbor's husband who had just heard the dog bite story form his wife. It ends up that he had dug a cat's claw out of their dog's snout yesterday which his wife hadn't known about. They take total responsibility for the cat's injury and will pay the bill in full

8:20 cry.

Urban Servant Corps, Carlos Vierra and Lent

I just spent the weekend on a retreat with The Urban Servant Corps in Santa Fe, New Mexico. The USC has been described as "The Real World" for do-gooders. The volunteers sign on to live in intentional community for one year while doing social justice and advocacy work at non-profits (homeless shelters, outreach to sex workers, English as a Second Language clinics, Legal aid etc..); in solidarity with their clients they also live in voluntary poverty for the year. Their expenses are covered and they get $75 a month for a stipend. For the most part these are young people who have just finished college. I fell in love with these guys. I was there to talk about emerging church and to learn from them about their experiences. The weekend was spent at a Lutheran Church and everyone just slept on the floor or in pews.
I have an old friend who lives in Santa Fe who allowed me to stay in the guest house of her father's property which she recently inherited. It ends up that this place is pretty famous. It's called The Carlos Vierra House, named after the artist who designed and built the house from 1918-1920 as a demonstration of a new style which Santa Fe is now famous for. It is for sale for $3.2 million dollars in case any of my readers are looking for a cozy little property in the American Southwest. I also got to see my friend's house outside of town which she is going to great expense to create as sort of a modern design opus (her home includes an adjoining chapel).
I'm still trying to process the distance between the two experiences of voluntary poverty and voluntary wealth, especially in light of Lent and my desire to look at my own habits around spending money. I'm not purchasing new personal possessions during Lent and am giving away one possession per day. Before you start thinking that I'm too spiritually healthy just know two things: first, this has been harder than I anticipated which means that I buy stuff for myself a hell of a lot more than I realized going into this deal and second, that I have failed. Not hugely failed, but failed nonetheless. I bought this Mary Magdalene magnet that says "Patron Saint of Fallen Women", and an icon of the Trinity. These purchases were justified as business related expenses. How funny is that? I guess what I'm getting to is that I cannot feel smug about tithing or living simply because when it comes down to it, I love stuff as much as the next gal. Just because I give away more than 10% of my income doesn't mean that I then am justified in buying whatever I want with the rest, moreover it doesn't give me permission to judge how others spend their money. Perhaps I could get away with the latter if I lived self-sacrificially, but in reality I don't.
I'm trying to remove the language of justification from my vocabulary. Why did I buy a 30 gig iPod last year with my birthday money (plus $80)? Because I deserve it? Because I tithed first and the rest is mine? Because I'd been wanting one for so long and since I waited it's justified? No. I bought it because I wanted it and I was indulging myself, pure and simple. Was it wrong to do so? Maybe not, but it sure as hell wasn't a virtue, which the previous justifications try and make it out to be. I guess I'm learning this Lent that I want to not only be more honest about why I spend money on myself but to also just do a lot less of it., this would mirror my values more. I never feel empty or regretful after giving money away, but I do after wasting it on stupid stuff, it's kind of too bad that I really love the stupid stuff! I want to be more like my sister who seeks to live extremely frugally so that she can be extravagantly generous. Gimme some of that!

Dear God,
Forgive me when I think that I deserve the abundance of wealth in my life. (we both know that If I did get what I deserve I'd be pretty screwed) Help my to not mask indulgence as virtue. When I am tempted to judge the wealthy gently remind me that to almost every other person on the planet I am the wealthy.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

What I'm giving up for Lent

It's that time of year again. I love Ash Wednesday, it's my favorite worship service of the year...Easter vigil being a close 2nd. Walking around the world with ashes on my forehead makes me feel like I've just returned from another place and time and am walking through this life with an other-life orientation, not in the "I can suffer through this world because I'll have mansions and crowns and streets of gold in heaven" type of way, but in an up-side-down now and not yet eschatological way.

For each of the 40 days of Lent (and Sundays) I will strive to rid myself of one personal possession, and to not buy anything other than food and gas. The point is is that I love stuff, especially of the clothes, shoes, jewelry and yarn variety and I have WAY too much of it. Maybe by ridding myself of 40+ items I can create a space to breath deeper.

Dear God,
Help me look to you during these forty days and not to the false security of stuff. Forgive me for my inordinate love of things. Forgive me for my hypocritical judgments of other people's materialism and excess; when the truth is that if I had the kind of money they did I would likely buy just as much stuff. Save me from the pride of less and the pride of more.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

The Transfiguration of our Lord

I feel each day as though I am being pulled deeper into the mystery of the faith. I'm not sure how else to describe it, but the deeper I'm drawn, the more like a neophyte I feel. It's as though this sacred, blessed, mystery religion, ripe with endless possibility, meaning and import has been hiding all along behind the facade of the Church; hidden by pews in straight lines and nicy-nice chit-chat, and minutiae of doctrine, and bad organ music, and intolerance or at best irrelevance. Faith to me is an experience and not intellectual assent to a set of propositions and I just want to invite others into the experience, not tell them what it means or try and get them to agree with me, but to create space where they can engage the mystery of Christ. Here's something I read this morning pertaining to the Transfiguration of our Lord which I found to be beautiful:

The basic response of the soul to the Light is internal adoration and joy, thanksgiving and worship, self-surrender and listening. The secret places of the heart cease to be our noisy workshop. They become a holy sanctuary of adoration and of self-oblation, where we are kept in perfect peace, if our minds be stayed on Him who has found us in the inward springs of our life. And in brief intervals of overpowering visitation we are able to carry the sanctuary from of mind out into the world, into its turmoil and its fitfulness, and in a hyperaesthesia (pathological increase of sensitivity) of the soul, we see all mankind tinged with deeper shadows, and touched with Galilean glories. Powerfully are the springs of will moved to an abandon of singing love toward God; powerfully are we moved to a new and overcoming love toward time-blinded men and all creation. In this Center of Creation all things are ours, and we are CHrist's and CHrist is God's. We are owned men ready to run and not be weary and to walk and not faint.
A Testimonial of Devotion
Thomas Kelly (1893-1941)

sloth or charity?

I cleaned out my car today. Now that might not seem like a blogable event, but trust me it is. Let's put it this way, it took 2 hours. I commute an hour each way to school so I basically eat half my meals in the car. Clearing it out was not unlike an archeological dig...there were distinct strata representing what I ate and did in the previous months. To mitigate against the shame of judgemental passengers, I choose to tell them "sorry about the state of car, but I let a homeless person live in here" that way I look charitable and not slovenly.

Portland Emerging Women's conference

I'm back from the Emerging Women's conference in Portland. I was nervous about going as I seldom break away from my Anglican, Episcopal, Lutheran tribe (more about that here). I thought that I, as a progressive Christian, would be hit with the scripture stick by my more conservative sisters. This did not happen, but the conference was difficult for me in an entirely different way. Seeing so many amazing women deeply wounded by the church was really tough. I met a lot of gals who were so deeply faithful and who felt a call from God to be leaders but who were told it was sinful to even presume that God would call a woman to ministry. I met gals who, even within traditions that ordain women, were told that if they were ordained, no man would ever want to marry them. (I see this as a positive selection process myself). I met older women who have engaged this struggle for decades - machete in their hands making the path that much clearer for women behind them. I too came from a religious background in which women were second class citizens, not permitted to even pray aloud if men were present, (that part of my story here), but I left that church 20 years ago and spent ten years exploring the female face of God as a way of reclaiming that of God within myself which I felt in my upbringing had been silenced. It was only after years of seeing Goddess in the world and in myself and not only God (I see these as two faces of one deity), that I was able to go back to the church...that is another story for another time. Many of my tattoos are related to this narrative in my life, including one of The Snake Goddess pictured above...she's so strong and fierce and curvy and beautiful....by claiming her in me when I was in my early twenties, I was able to come back to Christianity having learned, experienced, felt and claimed that I too am a child of the Creator. Many of the women I met this weekend are trying to go through a transformation into their own power within the church and my prayers are with them. I was glad to have been with them all. As for the Lutheran church, we have ordained women for 32 some odd years, but seriously, can 2000 years of male domination be overcome and made right in 32 years?

Dear God,
Send your healing to women who have been told that you don't want their leadership and to those who told them such a lie. Heal your church that we may feel, experience and know the wholeness you intend for us.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

Lazy-ass posting

My life is too crazy to blog well right now...school, kids, stuff like that, so here's a cheap posting. I've been keeping track of what people googled to find my blog - here are the finest:
shitty prayers
lutheran boobs
lutheran asshole
Church of Christ women blogs
Lutherans Saved Baptist
lutheran crap
"lutheran theology" beer
lutheran bullshit
Lutheran Theology what's so wrong with it
sarcastic tattoos
crazy lutheran
do the lutherans pray to the dead
Sarcastic Church of God.

This of course begs many questions the least of which isn't how one would find themselves in a position to google "lutheran boobs"

a confession

Personal confession:
I have such an antipathy for conservative-jesus-as-your-personal-lord-and-savior Christianity, and let's face it, Christians themselves- that it's a sin. Seriously, I hate that whole thing. I hate the smugness, the certainty, the Biblical (selective) literalism. I hate the exclusion of women (usually) and of gays (always). And it's not that I just don't understand it, trust me I do. I was raised in the Church of Christ - not the United Church of Christ mind you...the Church of Christ, which is like Baptist Plus. I can recite the party line with the best of them and I will go to any lengths to avoid being around these people. I feel like wearing a shirt everyday that says "I'm not that kind of Christian". Basically I find the whole thing profoundly creepy and uncomfortable. It's ok for me to disagree with them theologically, but I take it to the next level. If I am called to love those who persecute me (or, in my opinion, persecute the Gospel), then I'm doing a lousy job and that's not ok. I guess I'm saying I need to love the sinner but hate the bad theology. Or maybe I'm to just love the person and stop being such a theological bigot.

I am uncomfortable with a whole lot of Christianity. But the thing is, I'm Christian (note I didn't say "a" Christian...as that, to me, plays into the whole Western individualism gone amuck in the church thing ....another example of which is the "personal" lord and savior bit...you know - "personal trainer", "personal shopper", "personal assistant" and "personal lord and savior") Anyhow, in the emerging church conversation I have limited my interactions and conversation (almost) exclusively to my fellow Lutheran/Anglican tribe members and have avoided the post-evangelicals. This exhibits an enormous amount of hubris on my part, but there it is.

Here's why I'm struggling with this right now. There is an emerging women's blog that I occasionally try and participate in, they're a fine group of gals but I have no patience for comments sometimes left about how "unfortunate it is that there is swearing in the posts on a Christian blog". This nicey-nice Christian crap is why so many people want nothing to do with us. Are we really serving the gospel this way? In all fairness I'm sure my critics would say the same about the fact that I basically swear like a truck driver. Anyway, there is an emerging women's gathering in Portland that I'm considering attending. This is a huge step for me - to be willing to step outside my tribe a bit. So I poked around on the web looking for information about the event. I found a list of the organizers and looked at the home page from one of their churches. It looked amazing with lots of street kids and crazy dreadlocked pastors, but on their "about us" page the first thing was that "we believe the Bible is inerrant and totally true", which made me want to never stop slapping them. I couldn't simply think "huh, interesting" and leave it at that...no, it became personal. The thing is, I've met this woman and she's absolutely lovely...we just have differing views on scripture. I feel like maybe I'm ready to start getting over this enormous bias of mine, - which does nothing to improve the theology of my subjects, but simply unsettles me and feels like crap. Maybe it's time to put my theological money where my mouth is and BE a reconciling person in the world, not one who sets up more division between myself and others. You know, I travel all the time and attend events and meeting, consultations and planning teams with people who are my theological fellows. Perhaps I might gain something from being around people who also are Christian but who might have more traditional views than I. Perhaps God can actually be at work with and among decision-theology types. I suppose on some level my reaction against the evangelicals is a defense measure. Who I am was not ok to the conservative Christians in the church I was raised in and in order to avoid that awful feeling I reject them before they can reject me. OK, I get it. Once again God is speaking to me. The message is almost always the same: Get Over Yourself. But it's really hard.

A Prayer is needed:
Dear God,
Your followers make me crazy. I'm totally a jerk about this and I'm sorry. It'd be great if maybe you could try and improve some of the theology on the ground here, and if that's not going to happen then help me to not be so arrogant. Be with those whom I find most irritating and show me how to love them. This is pretty much only going to happen by your grace, which in the past has done for me what I could never do for myself, so I'm trusting you again. Your will, not mine be done (we can all be thankful for that)
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

I'm dreaming of a White Advent

Mr. SL and I spent 3 hours this morning clearing the snow from the driveway.

5 Things

Jonny has tagged me to post 5 things you may not know about me:
1. When I was 12 I bought my first record: The Ramones' Road to Ruin. Having found my tribe at a young age I happily avoided the seemingly inevetable "Heavy Metal phase".
2. For 2 years I worked as a professional stand up comic.
3. On December 26th this year I will have been clean and sober for 15 years.
4. That part of your brain that helps you read maps never quite developed in me and as a result I'm a total idiot when it comes to not only map reading, but having even the slightest idea of where I am in relation to where anything else is. I'm pleased to say that this has provided endless entertainment for my friends and family over the years.
5. After several surgeries on my face (Graves Disease) I have damaged nerve, so there is one part of my cheek that if you touch it, it tickles the inside of my eyelid.

There.
I tag: Mad Priest, Luther Punk, Matt Rees, Ian, and Rachel

My First love

In 1986 I had my first boyfriend ever. He was 20, I was 17. His mother called me today to tell me he has died as a result of a serious car accident in California.

A Memorial:

Things Jeff introduced me to that I still love:
*Tattoos (he had two when we met, I had two by the time we broke up)
*Led Zeppelin
*Sex
*His gay brother Jim with whom I have had a 20 year long friendship

Thing Jeff intorduced me to that I no longer love but once did:
*Smoking pot

Things Jeff introduced me to that I never loved:
*Wheatgrass juice
*Buddhist meditation

After I hung up the phone I went on a run and cried for him, and for his 5 month old baby, and for his wife, and for my 17 year old self.

Goodbye Jeff. I loved you and am so grateful you were my first.

AAR highlights

I just returned from the American Academy of Religion's annual conference which was held this year in Washington DC. Here are some highlights:
* eating dinner Friday night with about 30 Lutheran women theologians and scholars
* presiding at a session on religion and spirituality among the Deaf
* going for an hour long morning run in which I passed the Washington memorial phallus, I mean obelisk, the Lincoln memorial and the Vietnam memorial (I cried as I walked past those names thinking of all the families (on both sides) whose loved ones are dying right now in Iraq.
* Spending time with my friend Sara who's so smart and funny I can hardly stand it, and Ryan Torma who is my Partner in Lutheran emerging church crime.
* going salsa dancing until 2am with Sara, Ryan and this random Swiss guy we met (Christoph, who's absolutley lovely) who I referred to as "Zwingli" all night ...
* Hearing Brian McLaren, Peter Rollins and Phyllis Tickle's panel on emerging church. They were all brilliant.
* Theology Pub with the above, and about 40 others - scholars, Baptists, Nazarenes, Anglicans...it was a good conversation with lots of cross-pollination.
* Hearing papers on Men's studies in Religion; Men's studies is a perspective I've not experienced and hearing about men struggling with the nature of masculinity was really interesting ("Zwingli" was on this panel)
* Experiencing a Smithsonian exhibit on Bibles before the year 1000. It was thrilling to see these ancient codexes and illuminated manuscripts. (the guy at the convention book exhibit noticed how enthralled I was with the enormous, full-color coffee table book on the "Bibles before the Year 1000" exhibit and he asked if I was a starving grad student, I replied that indeed I was and that I could never afford such a book, but that I appreciated how totally beautiful it is...he then proceeded to slip it into a nice shoulder bag and say "then this is something that would probably mean a great deal to you, right?" and handed it to me with a smile.)
* Coming home and being with my kids this morning.

Brian McLaren and Pete Rollins

I will be hostessing a Theology Pub in Washington DC featuring Rollins and McLaren on November 19th at 7pm: Capital City Brewing Company across from the DC convention center, on the corner of 11th & H Streets NW in downtown DC. This is following a panel they are participating on at the AAR conference.

Show up. It won't suck.

If anyone reading this is going to be at the AAR/SBL (if you don't know what this is, trust me, you wouldn't care anyway...it's the American Academy of Reigion/ Society for Biblical Literature's annual meeting with like 10,000 academic study of religion geeks...a true nerdfest if ever there was one...see told you you wouldn't care) I am presiding at a session on Saturday morning on religion and spirituality among the Deaf, come say hi.

Ordination Island

Happy happy (I'm actually not being sarcastic) I met with my candidacy committee yesterday and they didn't vote me of ordination island, (which means they endorsed me). Also, they greenlighted my non-traditional internship, which is very good news indeed. This means that rather than going to a completely traditional parish somewhere and serving as their vicar for a year, I get to start my emerging church plant process while working with local congregational partners (so that I can become part of their communities and have regular opportunities to preach). Hopefully these partners will continue supporting the mission start. Needless to say, I'm pretty psyched about the whole thing...thanks for all of you who held me in their thoughts and prayers this week.

Everything Girl and Color Man

Here are my kids. They made up superheroes to be for Halloween. Not wanting to be limited on only one or two super powers, my daughter came up with "Everything Girl", and my son is "Color Man" (he makes everything more colorful).

My kids are pretty cool. I'm a proud mama.

Mary Magdalene Tattoo

Here she is.
I love that Mary Magdalene, this unlikely deeply flawed, deeply faithful WOMAN was chosen to be the first witness to the resurrection. This is part of an illumination from the 12th century St. Alban's Psalter. In the painting she is letting the boys in on the big news and they're completely befuddled. See the whole painting here.

It still have to get the border colored gold.

I love it.

B

Today's biggest irony (in Nadia's life):
I recieved the first B on an academic paper since I was in High School.
The Topic: Martin Luther's Eucharistic Theology.
Seriously, I read Luther for fun.
I'd cry if I wasn't laughing so hard and telling all my friends.
If you know me, you know how funny this is.
Humility isn't really optional in life is it?

2:30:15

***WARNING*** I briefly mention menstruation in this post.

There are several problems and benefits to being a somewhat controlling person.  One of the drawbacks to control freakness is that one can become so confident in their own agency in the world, that is to say, one's ability to make things happen through sheer will and effort, that when an outside force interferes and produces an unwanted and unplanned for outcome, the control freak wants to either a) try and figure out what they did wrong by replaying every tiny detail...this is a way of still trying to avoid admitting that one cannot control everything, or b) hurt somebody.  Today's race was an interesting experience in loss of control, not my favorite thing.  I felt great at mile 5, in at 49:00 minutes...right on track, when I doubled over in abdominal pain, not a side stitch I could wait out, but real pain.  I thought "ok, this is the tough patch for today's race, I'll take it easy for a minute until it passes and then run like hell to catch up...it didn't pass.  I felt strong, but every time I would try and run hard I would increase the pain.  At mile 6 I was doubled over crying like a baby.  I prayed, I stretched, I walked...nothing worked.  I finished the race, but was in pain the whole way and could only manage to jog.  There was a beautiful downhill on the final 3 miles which I wanted to run hard, but I simply couldn't. At the end of my race I went to the bathroom and my period started.  Did I somehow displease the "never race during the 2 hours before you menstruate" Gods?  Who knows.  I do feel like it was a lesson in letting go and going more slowly than I want to, which I need to learn in general.  I'm gonna kick the ass of the next 1/2 marathon, I swear to God.

The good things:
This was my first race of this type, so my PR (personal record) for the half-marathon will be easy for me to beat.
I'm still having gutt pain, so the problem wasn't because of something I ate or did before or during the race.
I love this distance and am ready to plan the next one.
I finished.

Denver Half-Marathon

Tomorrow I run my first half-marathon. I'm nervous as hell. It's an authority thing.

This may be shocking, but I have a problem with authority. I don't like to be told what to do. More precisely, I don't like to be told what to do by people I have no respect for. God has continued over the past 5 years to place people in my life who are deserving of my respect, so my discipline has been to submit to their authority. Now I totally understand that the term "submit" isn't terribly popular among progressive Christians, yet this is my lesson. Don't get me wrong, my distrust of people in positions of authority has served me at times, but more often than not, it has pretty well bitten me in the ass.

Here's why this is related to running: I hired (submitted to) a coach to develop a race plan for me. For 3 months I have followed the plan to the letter, which has been an act of trust. Even when I didn't want to run 10 miles at 5:30 in the morning, even when the speed drills seemed silly....I followed the plan. So tomorrow is race day and I have to keep telling myself "trust your coach, trust your training". Bobby (coach) thinks I can run this race much faster than I can. I'm a comfort runner, meaning that I tend to hold back rather than push myself.

In a lot of the triathlons I've done, I have mentally doomed myself before the race even started, or soon into it. Twice I've gotten sick right before a triathlon. Once I pulled a muscle in my neck carrying my bike from my car to the transition area. These physical problems are mental and spiritual in nature. Bobby is really into the mental and spiritual aspect of running. So I see training now as one of my spiritual disciplines. The physical training is nothing compared to the mental training. I have been trying to train my mind to shut the hell up. I'm so cerebral that my mind thinks it's in charge. That's why it has sabotaged the body in the past, to show her who's the boss.

Another way in which running is a spiritual discipline is that, prior to getting involved in triathlon and now distance running, I only pursued things in life that I was naturally gifted at. I have several things in my life that come easily to me, but not to most people. So I took up triathlon...and let me tell you, I suck at it. Seriously, I am a lousy triathlete. Last year I came in 93 out of 98, but, as I like to say, I beat everyone who sat on their ass that morning. Same with running. I will never be "good". I'm 6 foot 1 and 163 pounds, not exactly the ideal runner's build. SO I tirelessly pursuit something I will never be good at, which ends up being the point. I simply enjoy my improvements, which I have much more opportunity to see than those who are naturally good at the sport. There is a greater distance from shitty to ok than from good to great.
This dynamic is present in other aspects of my life as well. I don't trust God when I'm told I can run faster. I only like to stick to things in ministry that I'm good at. I don't trust my training and I think I'm too weak to run the race God has put before me. It's a crisis of authority. Do I trust God enough to make myself uncomfortable, or am I a comfort Christian?
Tomorrow I want to run the good race as Paul says. I want to let go of myself and give glory to God in my success, that way, I run with less fear of personal failure, because I've already won.

Let us run with perseverance
the race marked out for us.

Hebrews 12:1

here's your coffee

Here are my answers from a list of questions on the emerging women blog

1. What is your favorite word?
synechdochy (sp? learned it last week.

2. What is your least favorite word?
the one I want to shove back in my mouth as soon as I've said it

3. What turns you on?
Confidence

4. What turns you off?
lack of confidence

5. What sound or noise do you love?
"here's your coffee"

6. What sound or noise do you hate?
"can I put you on hold"

7. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Philanthopist

8. What profession other than yours would you not like to attempt?
Crack Whore

9. What is your favorite curse word?
Fuck

10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
Oh my gosh, those shoes are fabulous, where did you get them?

Esther

The Hebrew Bible readings from the lectionary lately have all been from the book of Esther and have made me recall one of the most powerful moments of my life, which occurred last year. I was raised in a fundamentalist church which did not permit women to even pray aloud in front of men. My parents attend a more evangelical than fundamentalist church in that denomination now (Church of Christ), but their church still does not permit women to have any sort of leadership in worship, down to forbidding them to be the ushers passing the collection plates. When I realized I was called to ordained ministry (I make this sound so simple, when in fact it was very messy and difficult), I was nervous about telling my parents for fear they wouldn't support my call. I very nervously told them that I felt called to emerging church ministry and that all the things that made me somewhat inappropriate for regular parish ministry (too tattooed, too sarcastic, too foul-mouthed...I could go on...) actually uniquely qualified me for emerging church mission development. My father stood up, got his Bible and read the verse from Esther when she goes to her uncle and says she's nervous about what God is calling her to do, to which her uncle says "you were born for such a time as this" (my paraphrase obviously). My parents then embraced me and prayed for God's blessing on my ministry. I can't express the grace in that moment.

Image is from the Veggie Tales video "Esther" in which Esther is a scallion of some sort and king Ahasuerus is, I believe, a pickle. Seriously, I really couldn't make this shit up.

Shut up

I have, for the past 2 days, participated in a "Theological Consultation on the Vocation of Leadership" at the ELCA offices in Chicago. The room was filled with 30 or so professors of theology, bishops and other important and super smart people...and me. How it is that I always end up invited to these meetings is a mystery to me as I'm often the only person without a fancy title or two in front of their name. Anyhow, I enjoyed the conversation and left with the conviction that I need to become a better listener. I'm a great talker, I mean seriously, I can talk. What I'm lousy at is being an authentically good listener. I can discipline myself to listen well, but I'm not a good listener REALLY. I can only assume this is due to a lack of humility and an excess of self-absorbtion. Some day I would love to listen to someone without waiting the whole time to give my clever response. I want to become the kind of person who is genuinely curious about what others think, not just able to diplomatically let others have their say, before I get to talk again.

A prayer:

Dear God,
Forgive me for thinking I'm so much more interresting than other people. Seriously. We both know it's not the case. Help me to shut the hell up so that I can hear your wisdom in the voices of my fellows.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

Are you an ass? I am.

One issue I struggle with is that of becoming an asshole...I mean, more of an asshole.  I'm embarking on starting an "emerging church" in Denver (eventually) and am wondering how I might keep from thinking I'm some sort of ecclesiastical rock star.  God has given me some very public gifts for ministry, great.  I find myself simultaneously craving and repulsed by people's praise of my gifts.  This morning I stumbled on Brother Martin's (Luther)thoughts on this matter from his "Preface to the Wittenburg edition" (1539 ce) He's brilliant, self-effacing, and funny as hell:

If, however, you feel that you are inclined to think you have "made it", flattering yourself with your own little books, teaching, or writing, because you have done it beautifully and preached excellently; if you are highly pleased when someone praises you in the presence of others; if you perhaps look for praise, and would sulk or quit what you are doing if you do not get it  - if you are of that stripe, dear friend, then take yourself by the ears, and if you do this in the right way you will find a beautiful pair of big, long, shaggy donkey ears.  Then do not spare any expense! Decorate them with golden bells, so that people will be able to hear you wherever you go, point their fingers at you, and say, "See, See! There goes that clever beast, who can write such exquisite books and preach so remarkably well."

A prayer for today:
Dear God,
Thank you for my gifts.  May they always be used to point to you and not to myself.  I understand this is not likely to happen, but perhaps with your help I might be less of an asshole.
In Jesus' name,
AMEN

This is me.

I had to upload a photo of myself on my blog so that I'd have a URL of a photo of myself for something else. Seems silly.

what I listen to while running (or, more evidence on how Nadia is a big nerd)

I'd love to be the kind of runner who doesn't need to listen to an iPod, but I'm not. On my weekly long runs I listen to NPR programing that I've downloaded...they have a podcast of stories involving religion which are usually worth a listen. I've also discovered a Bill Moyers podcast on Faith and Reason in which he interviews writers. Yesterday my run was a little over 2 hours so I got to listen to 2 episodes, one of which featured American writer Mary Gordon who is a devout Catholic. Here's a great quote from that interview:
"Faith without doubt is either a kind of nostalgia, or addiction"
I totally value doubt in faith.

Theology Pub

Tonight is the first monthly Theology Pub at the Mercury in Denver. This event is my idea and I am the hostess, therefore a prayer is in order:
"Dear God,
Bless this weird little thing where strangers gather over beer to talk about our experiences of you. May those who participate be brought closer to you. Above all God, please help me to not get in the way because you and I are both aware of my ability to fuck things up, and without you I am sunk."
In Jesus name,
AMEN.